Have months of winter beer imbibing left you with a little extra blubber in the belly region? Layers of winter clothing are one way to disguising a burgeoning gut, but it’s rather unoriginal. The rule of the beer belly is: If you got it, flaunt it. Here are some creative ways to put your beer belly to use while showing it off:
If the only thing you’ve read lately are the Pabst Blue Ribbon nutritional facts, it’s time to branch out. Use your belly as a book shelf. Relaxing at the beach can be an educational experience. Bring sunscreen and Flaubert. Mix well.
Sometimes the ladies get a little shy about getting on the dance floor. Luckily, your beer belly can provide comfort and support. No more tipsy falls while getting their groove on when they got a belly to hold on to. Win-win.
Real women love curves. If your overalls are covering your belly, FIX THAT. The beer gut is 2010’s must-have accessory so grab a pair of scissors and tailor your wardrobe. It’s time to make a statement.
Maybe you haven’t been paying attention, but there are A LOT of dangerous open holes around. Holes that could kill you if you fell in them. Use your belly as a land flotation device. Embrace the beer blubber because if could save your life.
Use your massive gut to facilitate the drinking of more beer! A large beer belly ensures the drinker more room in a crowded bar and also serves a built-in drink holder. Cheers!
Similar in idea to “Use 5: Drink Holder,” but just as complicated. It takes years of practice to get this type of balance down.
Why should society be allowed to set unacheivable measures of beauty? Who says a man must have six-pack abs to be considered attractive and worthy? Not you. Use your beer belly as a satirical canvas to point out the flaws in society. Orrrrrr- just get a hilarious tattoo for the hell of it.
That girl just laugh at you? Beer belly smother in 10… 9… 8…
The market is there- it’s yours to tap. Head down to your nearest modeling agency, take some head shots, and wait for the endorsements to roll in.
If you got a belly, you might as well impress your friends with the biggest damn belly flop they have ever seen.