7 Most Inappropriate Kids Movies

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By Chelsea Latimer

Why is it that so many kids movies seem to be made for adults?  In fact, some of the films marketed at kids are downright creepy! Here is a list of the 7 most inappropriate kids movies in recent memory:

1. Kids

Just because the title has “kids” in it does not mean this one is suitable for the children. The 1995 movies depicts blossoming children of New York City in an incredibly disturbing and dark manner; there’s sex (de-flowering to be specific), booze, HIV, gang banging, among other horrendous scenes you wouldn’t want your kids to be a part of. The message? Keep ‘em off the street I suppose, it’ll make you think twice about letting your child be a “latchkey kid.”

2. UP

This Pixar film that paints the picture in it’s trailer of a nosey little boy, an old man and a sh*load of balloons. In the full film, you come to realize it isn’t really about that at all….in fact, everyone over the age of 18, seemed to be bawling like babies in the movie theater by the end of the story. The movie was indeed cinematically appealing to the eye of the children; animated, bright, etc. the story however geared more towards pulling the heartstrings of the parent watching. It’s evident that the emotionally charged story line and melancholy score weren’t suitable for the young tots. Stick with “Toy Story” to be safe.

3. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

The original movie, Willy Wonka certainly had it’s moment of gumdrops and chocolate rivers that were enticing to the eye of the children; it was a land that they’d always dreamed of- one that existed only in their dreams. But, it was clear that there was a pyschedlic element to the whole drama, with the flashing images, drowning and “disposing” of children that was much more dark and complex than kids may understand. Tim Burton’s 2005 depiction of the tale took it to a whole new level of creepy. Let’s just say they made Johnny Depp looks like someone I wouldn’t let feed candy, or come anywhere near my children…the blacked out eyes, the oversized teeth and the bob hairdo- all scream child molester to me. Just sayin’.

4.     The Wizard of Oz

Witches, flying monkeys, a “magical place” and a country girl- all ingredients for a successful children’s story…. Except for the imagery was perhaps a bit too realistic? I had nightmare about those monkeys for months…and God knows anytime there was a routine “tornado drill” we were all convinced that a house would land on us from the Twister and we’d be goners. The Wizard of Oz made children completely irrational; Lions aren’t cowardly, or friendly for that matter, clicking your heels won’t land you in Oz and Witches aren’t green….they usually come in the form of your Mother in Law. Or something along those lines.

5.     Beetle Juice

The first time I “honked” my private parts while my parents had company over as a young kid, was also the last time watching Beetlejuice was allowed in my household. The PG rated movie is laced with sexual innuendo, headless ghosts, graveyards and skeeze. It wasn’t until I was an adult that I even understood how inappropriate the movie actually was….honk honk!

6.     Where the Wild Things Are

The famous children’s book was made into a film 2009 by eccentric director Spike Jonze- though the book was geared towards children, the film that used music by indie artists such as Arcade Fire and Karen-O of The Yeah Yeah Yeahs was addressing issues that were far more relatable to that of the adult viewer. The only thing about the movie that would be even semi-appealing to children were the monsters and the animation, which to be quite frank were pretty scary at times. I found myself with the heebie jeebies, checking under the bed afterwards…even though they turn out to be nice in the end, save this as a rental for “date night” with your hunny, not your kid.

7.     Bambi

Hey, I have an idea- let’s just kill the little fawns mother in a horrific fire? How about that? How about- TERRIBLE EFFING IDEA, DISNEY. You know who walked out of Bambi when she was a kid because there were “too many sad people in there”…..this girl, right here. I did. As adults we have to go through enough trauma…no need to introduce such horrendous scenarios to innocent little eyes? MMkay? Thanks.

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