Funniest thing said over Thanksgiving

So my best friend's girlfriend cooked her first turkey this year and wouldn't allow any help or suggestions. Knowing the secrets of self-preservation, I reluctantly abided by her decree and avoided the kitchen all day long.

Sadly, I watched her 'brine' the turkey with an admixture of spices that was heavy with salt. She also added chicken bullion cubes that are nothing if not salty.

When the turkey was finally finished, it was - obviously - almost inedibly salty. The stuffing was like a salt-lick.

Being relatively courteous and sensitive to the travails of a 'first Thanksgiving', our group refrained from comment. She, naturally, could tell something was wrong.

She made a second batch of stuffing immediately, being very careful not to over-season or salt it in any way.

When we sat back down at the table, she passed the new stuffing around.

We all ate it, again - without a word. When she asked how it was, my roomie said plainly:

"It could use some salt."

haha (see more)

my dad looks acros the table at my aunt nobody wanted to say any thing but she was so sweaty you could see through her shirt. So she asked whats wrong and my littel bro yells to the entier naborhood "WE CAN SEE YOUR BOOBIES". She left in a flash and returned 10 min latter wareing a diffrent shirt. Nobodey said any thing else
 (see more)

My immediate family flew to the motherland, Hawaii, this Thanksgiving after not being there since 2004.

My cousin's little girl who's 5 was just watching tv on the couch when she turned to me and said, "You're white"

I responded, "I know, I live in Seattle and it rains a lot there."

I worked on my tan after that. =)  (see more)

So my mom always used to say I'm too skinny, BUT this Thanksgiving when I was back home, she said that she wanted to get me a treadmill! Haha, I've put on 15 pounds since starting ibeatyou a year ago! Health kick time! (see more)

My three year old son must have witnessed way too much cooking over the Thanksgiving holiday. His six month old brother was in the kitchen with us and I asked my three year old if he loved his baby brother... My three year old answered... "Yes and I won't never put him in the oven."  (see more)

at thanksgiving my cousin, who is 3 and watches sesame street..asked how turkeys are cooked and what they are. his dad plainly said.."well.. big bird does taste pretty good after in the oven"
my cousin cried=[
this thanksgiving..he didnt eat the turkey [= (see more)

My fam came over and my lil cuz asked me where my pet turkey was. when my auntie told her we were having it for lunch - she started crying =[ (see more)

We were walking into the house after buying potatoes for dinner and it was really cold out, then out of the blue my step aunt said:

"It's so cold out that I have nipple erectie"
o.o (see more)

ok, so let me give you the back story, my aunt, ( we call her BOO, long story, just go with it), but any way She cant cook for shit!, ( she gave me selminella from a pot pie.....anyway, this year my dadf cooked the turkey just a bit too long this year, and nobody really ate it, even my dad fed it too the dogs. so we all ate and as me, my dad, my step-mom, &step-brother are ridding in the car and as a joke my brother says, " that was the driest damn turkey ive ever tasted", so we all laughed ( he had no idea my dad had cooked the turkey). then not joking, he goes on to say," i dont think ill ever eat turkey ever again, that just ruined it for me...." then to top it all of he said. " who was the bright one to tell BOO to cook the turkey!!!".... and my dad litterally had a 9mm clip in his hand 4 somereason, and he said, "if only i had the gun,". and my step mom, replies to my brother, " Did you not know dad cooked the turkey?" and my brother just had that look like " o shit, FOOT-IN-MOUTH (see more)

The wife says to the husband never to look in the safe chest in the attic..Years go bye and the wife is dying and finally says ok now you can look in the chest. He opens it up and see's 3 ears of corn and $100,000.00 dollars. So he asks what the corn is for, she replys thats how many times I cheated on you. Then he asks what the $100,000.00 is from. She replyed by saying thats how much money i made selling the other ears of corn! (see more)

so basically at the table, my grandpa tries to lift the chair, but him not being able to, my grandma says Brandon if we want to please him just help him get it up. Then my cousin said, thats what she said and me and him started laughing. Poor granny had no clue what was going on (see more)

what happens at the table stays at the table (see more)

Who wants a shitload of pie? (see more)

"Hey pass the mashed potatoes."There are none."WHAT!?!?"

At the very moment we hear a gunshot go off we all duck for cover and we realize we left a baked potatoe in the microwave on high and it exploded then i say "Well now there are!" (true story) (see more)

At The dinner table, My Brother takes 40 minutes explaining to me how fanstasy football works. He tells me all the wonderful things that come out of it and how him and his buddies have a blast doing it. Then after he is done he lectures me on how im not old enough, because im incapable of resisting, the pressure to stake money???? my family is sure contradictory  (see more)

So I'm an Australian and I'm doing an exchange trip in Switzerland. My exchange fater told me that they were going to celebrate Thanksgiving just for me. So then it got to lunch and we we're sitting there at the table and they each said what they were thankful for. Then it came to my turn and I sat there for a good 10 minutes, trying to think of what I was thankful for. Finally, I looked down at my plate and said "I'm thankful I don't celebrate this holiday all the time so I don't have to think of things to be thankful for." (see more)

My 4 year old little girl was asked what today was,
She yelled "THANKSGIVING!"
Then we asked her what Thanksgiving means,
She yelled "DINNER!" (see more)

So we're all sitting around the table, about to eat. We start with the food, and my grandma puts a steaming hot leg of turkey to her mouth. She immediately screams, throws the leg across the table, and my small, conservative, 80 year old grandma exclaims:
"SON OF A BITCH THAT's REALLY FUCKInG HOT!"
" (see more)

My friend's family was talking about weather religion should be allowed in school and they started talking about "The religion of the flying spagetti monster" (see more)

it was a potluck thanksgiving so everyone brought a side dish. before everyone started eating my friend Anthony stood up and said, "everything looks great! it may be dry but it's made with love." his cousin was already chewing and she said, "yes indeed...please pass the gravy."  (see more)