c_tizzie delivers a beatdown! c_tizzie
c_tizzie
delivers a beatdown!   congratulations!

Funny Things Your Parents Said

Parents - they're old, but we love them. They have mantras that they repeat that just don't make sense to us. What did your parents say to you that makes you laugh? (1 per user)


total challengers: 49   
1st
enlarge photo
Overlooking the fact that my friends and I secretly called my father 'Cranium' for most of my existence (well, ever since 'So I Married An Axe Murderer') because of his enormous dome, my father was a hilarious, walking anachronism that I love and miss dearly.

Whenever I was saying 'too much' or 'overstepping my bounds', which was often, he'd say I was:

"Cruisin' for a brusin'."

If corporal punishment was impending, he'd say:

"I'll knock your block off."

Finally, my father's most cherished words of wisdom that he imparted upon me were:

"You're only as old as the woman you feel."

P_TIZZIE, Dad to the luckiest son on Earth from 1979- 2006.

:) (see more)
 
c_tizzie
RATING: 3.8  VIEWS: 2887  VOTES: 43

 

2nd
enlarge photo
Apparently my mother never read the Book Of Mom.
She raised 4 girls, and some of the things the told us were very unusual...for instance:

1) If a boy touches you above the knee, you will INSTANTLY become pregnant.
2) If you ever have sex, your hips will become so wide you wont fit thru the doorway.
3) Never marry anyone with a handicap, because life is tough enough marrying a "normal" man.
Sigh - Oh mom, God rest your soul, you made us laugh, you made us cry, and you made us really really wonder about you sometimes!!
(but I do miss her and her craziness)  (see more)
 
crazy_gecko2007
RATING: 3.8  VIEWS: 2559  VOTES: 31

 

3rd
My pop is like so many others...Here's a couple of classics from his repertoire:

If in public and passed by a police officer or police vehicle of any kind, pop would launch at me and clamp me in a head lock shouting "I've got him!! He's here I've got him!!" to the officer. Good one pop like he hasn't seen it all before.

His next occurred whenever I cursed using the Lord's name in vain:
I would say "Jesus wept..." and if in earshot he would reply "Many times, my son..." or if I'd say "Jesus!" He'd simply reply "Yes?"

Ahhh good one father dear. Mam is a lucky lady! :D (see more)
 
Bam_Bam09
RATING: 3.7  VIEWS: 2506  VOTES: 26

 

4th
so i'll be like "your mom" to my mom and she'll be like "YOUR MOM" and its just kinda funny cause i dont think she knows what she's talking about. (see more)
 
Beavergirl
RATING: 3.4  VIEWS: 2456  VOTES: 10

 

5th
my dad always says "wats mine is urs",but wen I ask If I can borrow the bmw,he says"no that's my car u have ur own"....wtf? (see more)
 
KevKev
RATING: 3.2  VIEWS: 2248  VOTES: 3

 

6th
enlarge photo
My father is a RIOT! Some of the things he's said:

"Don't start none. Won't be none." (usually in reference to physical confrontation. He's a 4th Tae Kwon Do degree black belt)

"I paid the cost to be the boss." (In reference to snotty kids. No...not me ;p)

"Don't get jazzy" (In reference to one of us getting smart with him.)

"I'm the original black magic." (His CB handle as a truck driver.)

 (see more)
 
Missikat
RATING: 3.2  VIEWS: 2434  VOTES: 19

 

7th
my mum once said that lap dancing was good for you...

but what she really ment was line dancing...

ill never forget that :| (see more)
 
nLENOU
RATING: 3.1  VIEWS: 2396  VOTES: 17

 

8th
hmm. my mom is a little out there, but cares. Anyway i went off to university 2 years ago, and pretty much everytime we say goodbye, she reminds me of something, no matter who is around.

"Sean. Remember, no glove no love." (see more)
 
seanger
RATING: 3.0  VIEWS: 2237  VOTES: 4

 

9th
enlarge photo
so my mom is like so not into the latest electronics and when i showed her my new iphone she goes "so what is that like an ipod with a phone in it?" and i'm all ugh no! its like a phone with an ipod in it! duh!!! lol (see more)
 
Disneymaniac1
RATING: 3.0  VIEWS: 2296  VOTES: 7

 

10th
FIGHT NICELY KIDS!! (see more)
 
ash1191
RATING: 2.9  VIEWS: 2290  VOTES: 3

 

11th
She would always give m the line....

I don't care what the other kids parents let them do, your my son and you'll do what I say! (see more)
 
MadMike02
RATING: 2.9  VIEWS: 1435  VOTES: 15

 

12th
"You kids don't know how easy you have it! i would have to walk home five miles in the snow! Uphill both ways!"
We were little so didn't know any better, but he grew up in Puerto Rico where it didn't snow at all and how could you walk home and back uphill? LOL! (see more)
 
magdamassage
RATING: 2.9  VIEWS: 1748  VOTES: 13

 

13th
ROFLMFAO. omg, just then. she turned around and was like, you're sister's a D.A. it took me ages. and when i realised i was on the floor laughing. she meant dumb ass, and she short cutted it. LOL.  (see more)
 
aSANTOS
RATING: 2.9  VIEWS: 1460  VOTES: 17

 

14th
some of her favorites

If I say you are buggin me you are bugging me, uh oh!

Do you think I am made of money? ( I did of course at age 8)

You will keep going after I am gone. Always be nice. some days maybe not but I try : (  (see more)
 
tglynn
RATING: 2.8  VIEWS: 1924  VOTES: 11

 

15th
To explain why to use condom my mom would tell me.
" The Super Rubber Dubber protects against the males puddin splatters? "

It took me awhile to understand what she meant but I got it when I lost my virginity. (see more)
 
octosme
RATING: 2.8  VIEWS: 1435  VOTES: 11

 

16th
Whenever I ask my dad to get me something even if I say please he always says "Yes masa". He's not my butler and I try not to ask him for too much. Sorry if I do dad (see more)
 
ferpster
RATING: 2.8  VIEWS: 1384  VOTES: 13

 

17th
so my dad is always trying to be funny (even though no one ever laughs) but this one seriously cracked me up.

He had just come back from hunting and it had been raining outside

me: so what did you get?

dad: cold and wet


it was so funny! omg (see more)
 
LifeInTechnicolor
RATING: 2.8  VIEWS: 1343  VOTES: 3

 

18th
Don't act cocky now, you come from THIS vagina! (see more)
 
aivik
RATING: 2.8  VIEWS: 1312  VOTES: 3

 

19th
enlarge photo
okay Alton brown(chef)did a commercial for welch's grape juice and my brother is a huge fan and my mom says"i bet Logan (brother) wants Alton brown to squeeze his grapes" (see more)
 
allieoxjonas
RATING: 2.8  VIEWS: 1323  VOTES: 3

 

20th
enlarge photo
This had to be one of the funniest and meanest things i have ever heard my dad say.
ok, my sister was doing a school thing for a group called autism speaks, then my dad said,
"wait, autism doesnt speak, they just go alalala" (see more)
 
JBsolomaster5000
RATING: 2.8  VIEWS: 1256  VOTES: 3



1
2
3
 


Comments

lovelygirl2011
10 months ago
re: P_Tizzie (The Best Man Ever)
Hello dear (mary_dion50@yahoo.in) How are you doing today, i hope every things is ok with you as its my pleasure to contact you after viewing your profile at www.shufuni.com which really interest me in having communication with you, if you will have the desire with me so that we can get to know each other better and see what will happen in future. i will be very happy if you can write me through my email for easiest communication and to know all about each other ok, here is my email, so that i will send you my pictures i will be waiting to hear from you as i wish you all the best for your day. yours new friend. mary Email(mary_dion50@yahoo.in)
crazy_gecko2007
crazy_gecko2007 all-star
over 3 years ago
re: The Book Of MOM
thanks my new friend!
InFinit
InFinit all-american
over 3 years ago
re: The Book Of MOM
5 -for u
crazy_gecko2007
crazy_gecko2007 all-star
over 3 years ago
re: The Book Of MOM
thanks for your vote, mickael!! =o)
mickael1976
mickael1976 all-star
over 3 years ago
re: The Book Of MOM
AWWWW!!5
crazy_gecko2007
crazy_gecko2007 all-star
over 3 years ago
re: The Book Of MOM
thanks for your vote!! =o)
STaRR
STaRR starter
over 3 years ago
re: The Book Of MOM
this is cute. 5 =D
sydthekid1223
over 3 years ago
magdamassage
magdamassage all-american
over 3 years ago
sydthekid1223
over 3 years ago
XFanTasYAzNBoYx
XFanTasYAzNBoYx all-star
over 3 years ago
re: your mom, haha funny
wow that's pretty funny
cean_likesgirls
cean_likesgirls all-star
over 3 years ago
re: lol iphone or cellpod?
hahaha.. cellpod? what the heck
Cotton_socks_rocker
Cotton_socks_rocker all-american
over 3 years ago
re: My Legend Mam
Ya shes da limit!!
magdamassage
magdamassage all-american
over 3 years ago
re: Something funny my dad would say
walk in the snow or walk home uphill both ways:-) lol!
Richfroggy
Richfroggy all-star
over 3 years ago
re: your mom, haha funny
Haha that is pretty funny
crazy_gecko2007
crazy_gecko2007 all-star
over 3 years ago
re: The Book Of MOM
thanks for your vote!
shellyboo95
over 3 years ago
re: vietnamese/dancing
dats his habit
Disneymaniac1
over 3 years ago
Disneymaniac1
over 3 years ago
Disneymaniac1
over 3 years ago
Disneymaniac1
over 3 years ago
re: HUSBAND
5
Disneymaniac1
over 3 years ago
Disneymaniac1
over 3 years ago
 
Started byThis competition was created by c_tizziec_tizzie

IBY Awards (15)

“haha thats funny”
— erin71494 awarded daddy =]
over 3 years ago
“hahah thats what my mom says”
— erin71494 awarded My Mom's comeback for everything.
over 3 years ago
“The Mitch Albom Award”
— the_capital_t awarded P_Tizzie (The Best Man Ever)
over 3 years ago