Best ONE time excuse for missing work

I need the day off, I have Anal Glaucoma.

I just can't see my ass coming in to work today. (see more)

I can't come into work..sorry

Why..?

I am having emotional problems..

Sorry to hear that..any cause you know of..?

I got beat down by briankelley on www.ibeatyou.com a lot yesterday

Really? You, too? You can have the day off, I know how that feels..
 (see more)

i just found out i was switched at birth so legally i cant come to work knowing my employee record may contain false infromation (see more)

I had a job interview (see more)

Just say you went to a cheap sushi restaurant. Used this baby once when I was literally puking at work from a hangover and it worked like a charm. (see more)

iv used up all my sick day so im calling in dead  (see more)

my dog is sick (see more)

"Sorry, I cant come into work today."
"Why?"
"I cant walk"
"huh?"
"well,got in a huge fight with the GF, and she kicked me in the balls with her stilleto heels as hard as she could." (see more)

I sneezed, I think I might be dying... (see more)

MY NEIGHBOR RAN A BULLDOZER THROUGH MY HOUSE (see more)

Just say u died (see more)

You can't say my ___ Died more than once, you'll run outa relatives :) (see more)

Hello boss, 2morrow ill call to explain, cause at the moment i dont have my celphone with me! (see more)

Massive hangover from night before (see more)

hello?

ummmm,,, i cant go to work today

WHY?

because,, umm,, im in a coma and omg i cant mooooov.....(hang up)

OH HELL NO! SHES FIRED! (see more)

While snorkling in Maui on Vacation, I got water in my ear and would not come out. Thus I had to delay flying back to LA and work until the water was out! (see more)

Family Emergency (see more)

sorry boss i cant come in i have projectile leprosy  (see more)

i'm gonna go to meet the ibeatyou.com crew and possibly JA. screw y'all if you think i'm gonna miss that!!!! (see more)