Best Pineapple Express Quote

Saul: Alright man, let's go! I'm done with the woods!
Dale Denton: [sarcastically] Oh, okay! Let's go. Oh wait. No. The battery's dead.
Saul: Wait...what do you mean the battery's dead?
Dale Denton: ... I mean the battery is dead. The car needs a battery to start, Saul.
Saul: No no... What do you mean, the battery is dead?
Dale Denton: ...How else can I explain this to you? The battery died. It has ceased to live.
Saul: Fuck, man! We had on the fucking talk radio all night. So boring! The car just committed suicide.  (see more)

Saul: It's like if you took that Blue Oyster shit I gave you last week and then that crazy African Kush I had that one time--and they had a baby. And then, meanwhile, that crazy Northern Light shit I had and that Red shit I had made a baby. And by some crazy miracle, those two babies got together, and fucked--this would be it!
Dale Denton: [smells the marijuana] Oh, Wow. This is the product of baby fucking.

 (see more)

Dale Denton: If you're a dick your whole life, you're going to come back as something bad like a slug or a fuckin' anal bead. But if you do something heroic, then you'll come back as like an eagle or a dragon, or Jude Law. Now which would you rather be, an anal bead or a dragon?
Red: I think...the anal bead...depending on who it belongs to.
Dale Denton: It belongs to me. (see more)

Red: Thug Life !!!

w000t w000t (see more)

Saul:

"Smell that .. It's like God's vagina!" (see more)

"How do you think they would find us??"

"Heat seeking missiles, bloodhounds, foxes ... barracudas"

 (see more)

Red: You just got killed by a Daewoo Lanos, motherfucker!  (see more)

Saul: Just sit back and get ready to enjoy some of the rarest weed known to mankind.
[he lights a joint and inhales]
Dale Denton: It's really that rare?
Saul: [exhales] It's, like, the rarest.
[he examines the joint]
Saul: It's almost a shame to smoke it. It's like killing a unicorn...with, like, a bomb. (see more)

Saul: F__k the po-lice!  (see more)

Robert: Are you high?!

Dale Denton: What? No!
S
hannon: You are high as a fucking kite! (see more)

Angie Anderson: Fuck you, Dale. I lost my virginity when I was fourteen, okay? How many women have you even slept with?
Dale Denton: Like two and a half.
Angie Anderson: Two and a half? What is a half, your hand? That doesn't count!  (see more)

"i think we should stay!"
"why?"
"cuz im already in the dumpster" (see more)

Saul: I think I pulled a groin! I feel like a WISHBONE! (see more)

"oww, my taint!" (see more)

"A cop, a lady, and a guy? Man, that's like a massacre..." (see more)