The funniest quotes!

Michelle to a bully: My daddy said that if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all!

Pauses.

Michelle to a bully: But my daddy's not here so you're a weenie! (see more)

Carlton: For a long time it gave me nightmares, witnessing an injustice like that... It's a constant reminder of just how unfair this world can be... I can still hear them taunting him...”Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids!"... I mean, WHY COULDN'T THEY JUST GIVE HIM SOME CEREAL?  (see more)

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
- Groucho Marx (see more)

"Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings." (see more)

“If I could pray with my cock, I’d be much more religious”- Tyrion (see more)

"A woman once said that a man is like a deck of cards... you need":

"A heart to love him"
"A diamond to marry him"
"A club to smash his F*cking head in and"
"A spade to bury that b*stard


 (see more)

“[He] called me a ‘rapist’ and a ‘recluse.’ I’m not a recluse.”  (see more)

Ryan Reynolds talking to an old guy in the resteraunt
"Alzheimers can't be all that bad....At least you get to meet new people everyday" (see more)

Ellie: I thought fat guys were supposed to be jolly! (see more)

Lestat: You will be dead by morning, go to sleep.  (see more)

That is Naomi- that's 'I moan' backwards,
Ryan Reynolds owns :P (see more)

I´m from Germany so it´s not the best translation.

Sheppard: "What´s with the weapons?"
mcKay:"This will not even take a Station"
Sheppard: "And a Base ship?"
Mckay:"a HUGE FLYING station certainly not." (see more)

"There's no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?" (see more)