NCIS quotes

Ziva: (on the phone) No, no, no, it's not you, it's just.....Well, you know, these things run their course, and well, ah, you, you must accpet.....
Tony: Personal call, David?
Ziva: (covering the phone) Yes! Go away!
Tony: Somebody being dumped?
Ziva: Oh, how do you tell someone you no longer wish to see them?
Tony: Easy. (grabs the phone) Listen dirt bag, this is Ziva's husband.I have your number now, I can find your address.If you ever try to contact her again I will reach down your throat, grab your intestines, rip them out and drive over your head! Lose this number or lose your life! (hangs up, gives it to Ziva) Your welcome.
Ziva: That was Aunt Neddi, from Tel Aviv.She was trying to stop seeing her eighty-six year old, mah jong partner.
Tony: Why didn't you stop me?
Ziva: Too stunned.
Tony: Where do I send flowers?
Ziva: If you communicate with her again, I will kill you!  (see more)

Palmer:Ah yes what if your uh job entails.. touching naked people-
S.H lady:-Well that's inappropriate at any time
Palmer:.. Even if they're dead?
S.H lady: *glares discustedly* Why are you touching dead naked people?? (see more)

Some fight death, and some embrace it's solace. Some recognize their fate and other do whatever is necessary to alter it. Sometimes we define other expectations, and occasionally we rise to meet them.
But the constant is being true to ourselves. We do what we have to when we have to. We react for better or worse.

Kate's sister's final evaluation of Team Gibbs in "A Man Walks Into A Bar".  (see more)

Ziva: What is this place?
Guard: Its classified.
Tony: Classified. What you got in there? Aliens? Big Foot? Arc of the Covenant? (guard looks impatient) That only leaves one thing...
Ziva and McGee: (in unison) Unicorn. (see more)

Jimmy Napolitano: And Gibbs, you hurt my boy, I'll kill your brothers, your uncles, your father. And after their funerals I'll kill you.
Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: No brothers, no uncles, my father passed years ago. I do have three ex-wives, whose names and addresses I will *gladly* fax on to you.
[Jimmy hangs up the phone]
Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Booh, he hung up.  (see more)

Abby: If i finish early can i go back to Habitat for Humanity?
Gibbs: We'll see Abby.
Abby: Thank you sir!
Gibbs: Don't call me sir.
Abby: Thank you ma'am (see more)

rule # 6: never say you're sorry. It's a sign of weakness. (see more)

Kate: McGee, can't you tell when someone's kidding with you?
McGee: I used to and then I met you guys.  (see more)

Tony: Who do you think is prettier? Ex-wife number 3 or future ex-wife number 4?
Ziva colonel Mann is at a disadvantage because of her uniform. (Tony stares)
Ziva: Tell me you're not trying to imagine her without her uniform, Tony (see more)

McGee: I used to be a scout like these little boys.
Tony: Oh really? Who were you then: The quiet one, the skinny one or the one with the hot mom? (see more)

:Why do you have two 'B's in your name?

"Second 'B' is for bastard" (see more)

McGee: You know that's how Houdini died.
Tony: Ziva, did you kill Houdini?
Ziva: It is possible. I do not remember all their names... (see more)