Best Family Guy Quote

Stewie: Hello, mother. I come bearing a gift. I'll give you a hint. It's in my diaper and it's not a toaster. (see more)

Meg: I just want to kill myself I'm gonna go upstairs and eat a whole bowl of peanuts.
(Lois and Peter stare in silence)
Meg: I'm allergic to peanuts.
(Peter and Lois keep staring)
Meg: You dont know anything about me. (runs upstairs)
Peter: Who was that guy?  (see more)

(scene where brian is falling off a cliff and lois is holding on to him and brian is about to fall)

(both stuggling, lois is trying to lift him up)

brian: cmon Lois! pretend im one of your kids!

(lois's grip gets looser and he's falling more)

Brian: NOT MEG! NOT MEG! NOT MEG!

(lois successfully lifts him out) (see more)

Quagmire: Hello, 911? It's Quagmire. Yeah, it's caught in the window this time.  (see more)

Lois: Okay, one more minute, and then if there are two pink lines...

Peter: Oh god, I hope you're not pregnant, we can't afford another kid. We already got Chris, Stewey, Richie, Joanie, Greg, Marsha, Bobby, Jan, Mike Seaver, Carol Seaver, Boner, Urkel, Mr. Furley...

Brian: Peter those aren't your kids. That's the Nick-At-Night lineup.

Peter: Blanka, Zangief, Chun-Li, Guile, E. Honda...

Brian: That's Street Fighter.

Peter: Red, blue, green...

Brian: Those are colors (see more)

Lois Griffin: I feel like I've had this void all my life. Like there was a secret hole in me.
Glen Quagmire: Oh, God!
Lois Griffin: And I was trying to fill that hole with all these expensive things...
Glen Quagmire: Ooooh, God!
Lois Griffin: And I just enjoyed having all these things filling that hole.
Glen Quagmire: Ohhhhhhhhhh, God!
Lois Griffin: I guess I'm just going to have to sit back and let the penal system teach me a lesson.
Glen Quagmire: That one is also sexual.  (see more)

Stewie: that's what i said cool hwip.
Brian: cool whip
Stewie: cool hwip
Brian: cool whip
Stewie: cool hwip
Brian: you're eating hair! (see more)

Bonnie: Somebody save him, he can't swim!
Peter: Oh, he's not even kicking. Kick Joe, kick.
Lois: Peter, he's a paraplegic!
Peter: That doesn't mean he can't hear. Kick Joe, kick! (see more)

Quagmire: I felt guilty once, but she woke up halfway through. (see more)

What the duce? (see more)

Chris: My name is Chris. I'm supposed to be on my best behavior tonight, and not mention poo....OH GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE?!?! (see more)

its raining sideways! (see more)

HOLY CRIP, IT'S A CRAPPLE! (see more)

"I thought Country was spelled with an O" Frpm the Stewie Movie. (see more)

Yes, but no sprinkles. For every sprinkle I find, I shall KILL you. (see more)

Peter to random asian: Oh my god it's Jackie Chan.

(Jackie comes in scene)

Jackie Chan to Meg: Oh my god its Malcom in Middle (see more)

I just found out i'm retarded and omg, you might whant to get your self tested. (see more)

Peter: Hey, why didnt anybody tell me that they exchange the meaning of "for" and "from"?

Brian: They had a meeting about it a couple of weeks ago. They send you a letter. The letter was "for Peter", but because of the change you probably didnt get it.
...
Brian: Its probably easier to just call you stupid (see more)

GIGGITY GIGGITY GIGGITY GOO (see more)

Peter: Hey look theres a message in my cereal it say's "ooh," Brian: Peter those are cheerios. (see more)