Sarcastic Quotes

i started out with nothing .........still have most of it left (see more)

"Take out the trash!"
"I can't you won't fit in the bag!!!" (see more)

The best things in life are free *plus shipping and handling*

Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much. You're not that good.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the weaponry to make the difference.

My parents almost lost me as a child, but they didn't take me far enough into the woods.

Before you insult somebody you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you insult them you'll be a mile away and have their shoes!

You can thank your lucky stars that everything I wish for will never come true.

 (see more)

"Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult." (see more)

I was gonna listen to that, but then, um, I just carried on living my life.  (see more)

If I wanted to hear from an asshole i would fart (see more)

If you’re one in a million, there are six thousand people exactly like you. (see more)

Please, keep talking. I always yawn when I am interested. (see more)

He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends. (see more)

- If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies?

- Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.

- I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here.

- He was happily married - but his wife wasn't. (see more)

My moral and ethical constitution will not allow me to fight a war of wits with an unarmed person. (see more)