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The Funniest Jokes You've Never Heard! (Rules!)

Post some of the funniest jokes you know or have read that you think no one has ever seen or heard of... 3 entries MAX! Have Fun!!!


total challengers: 36   
21st
What did the fish say to the seahorse?

shouldnt you be on land?

get it a horse, in the sea

(warning: it is not my fault if u kill urself after reading this other conserns will be deal by my lawer) (see more)
 
zatchbellfan
RATING: 3.1  VIEWS: 889  VOTES: 4

 

22nd
why did the bird have no head?

Cause it never grew one!!!

PS: i made it up (see more)
 
MangoDude
RATING: 3.0  VIEWS: 889  VOTES: 10

 

23rd
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Two friends were out camping when one got bitten by a snake in the butt. The friend called a doctor for help & the doctor said that the only way his friend would survive is if he sucked out the poison from his friend's butt before help arrives. The friend said thank you & hung up.

The bitten friend asked him what the doctor said...

The friend said "The doctor said.... you're gonna die" (see more)
 
maiad
RATING: 3.0  VIEWS: 940  VOTES: 12

 

24th
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Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

 (see more)
 
PeiWei3
RATING: 3.0  VIEWS: 914  VOTES: 7

 

25th
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Why don't seagulls fly over the Bay?








Because then they'd be bagels (bay-gulls). ;) (see more)
 
Teriyaki
RATING: 2.9  VIEWS: 874  VOTES: 7

 

26th
enlarge photo
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

 (see more)
 
PeiWei3
RATING: 2.7  VIEWS: 897  VOTES: 7

 

27th
A Horse walks into a bar
The Bartender says why the long face? (see more)
 
jmacdad44
RATING: 2.7  VIEWS: 868  VOTES: 7

 

28th
enlarge photo
Knock Knock

Whos There?

MIMS

MIMS who?

Thats what I'm saying!? (see more)
 
MacNesss
RATING: 2.7  VIEWS: 929  VOTES: 5

 

29th
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why did the bird fall out of the tree?.................
cause someone shot it

why did the koala fall out of the tree?......................
cause it was stapled to the bird (see more)
 
PeiWei3
RATING: 2.6  VIEWS: 909  VOTES: 15

 

30th
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what do you get when you go out with a canary?

chirpies

it's a canarial disease

and it's untweetable! (see more)
 
sombra
RATING: 3.0  VIEWS: 944  VOTES: 2

 

31st
How do You kill a Bird?
Throw it Off a cliff DUH

How do you kill a fish?
Drowned it gosh

how do You kill a mole
Barry it idiot (see more)
 
MarvelMaximus
RATING: 3.1  VIEWS: 1249  VOTES: 2

 

32nd
after everything i say, you say addicted

What Does smoking get You
______________

What does crocaine get you?
______________

What Touched You Last Night

______________

If you dont get it ur stupid (see more)
 
MarvelMaximus
RATING: 3.0  VIEWS: 1308  VOTES: 2

 

33rd
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A man walks onto an airplane to New york.
When he finds his seat he also finds a blond girl there.
He says to her: excuse me, I think that is my seat.
The blond girl answers: I'm blond, I'm hot and I am going to New york.
The man gets confused and again says that it's his seat,
but the girl answers: I'm blond, I'm hot and I am going to New york.
The man calls for the attendant and asks her to move the girl.
The attendant whispers something in the girls ear and the girl walks down to the economic class and takes a seat.
The man gets even more confused and asks the attendant what she said to her.
I said, answers the attendant. that the first class was going to Boston and the economic class was going to New york. (see more)
 
Noppisman
RATING: 3.0  VIEWS: 1253  VOTES: 2

 

34th
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What is the similarity between a blondie and a squirrel??








They both love nuts. (see more)
 
Noppisman
RATING: 3.0  VIEWS: 1240  VOTES: 2

 

35th
how did Pinocchio knew that he wasn't a real boy but instead just a wood?









he masturbated...





he got burned!! lol (see more)
 
zedrick1300
RATING: 3.2  VIEWS: 1249  VOTES: 1

 

36th
After Everything I say you say bait

How do you catch a dog?
___________________________

How do you catch a prisoner?
___________________________

How do you catch car?
___________________________

How do you catch an EyeMaster?

........................... (see more)
 
MarvelMaximus
RATING: 3.2  VIEWS: 1257  VOTES: 1



 
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Comments

colleenXricer
colleenXricer all-american
over 4 years ago
re: Goodmorning Ladies
crazy rap...lol
MarvelMaximus
over 4 years ago
re: Human Torch
...... I think i get it now...
negrana
negrana HOFer
over 4 years ago
re: Human Torch
tubig = water(filipino dialect)
potteraholic14
potteraholic14 captain
over 4 years ago
re: Two Vampires Walk Into A Bar...
Lol, where did he even get that.
BabyBckRibs
BabyBckRibs franchise
over 4 years ago
re: Human Torch
haha loser =P
MarvelMaximus
over 4 years ago
re: Human Torch
I lost u there, Im not saying its a bad joke because I cant say that. I dont get it.... Dont call me stupid
nary_131
nary_131 all-star
over 4 years ago
re: Human Torch
hahaha! my friend use to say that to me when he'd see a big boned girl, "wow. she's water."
yoitsjoey
yoitsjoey all-american
over 4 years ago
re: Human Torch
its tubig!! hahaha... niice
congaixcutiee
congaixcutiee captain
over 4 years ago
re: A Bear Walks Into A Bar...
haha i get itt. i was like wait.. huh for a second and i re read it haha XD
congaixcutiee
congaixcutiee captain
over 4 years ago
re: WAKA LAKA
lol sucks for him
congaixcutiee
congaixcutiee captain
over 4 years ago
congaixcutiee
congaixcutiee captain
over 4 years ago
re: Guide Dog
ehh not bad
congaixcutiee
congaixcutiee captain
over 4 years ago
re: Two Vampires Walk Into A Bar...
hahaha gross bu makes sense in a weird disgustinf way lolll
zman72
zman72 HOFer
over 4 years ago
re: Human Torch
I'm one of those who don't get it. What is the significance of tubig?
congaixcutiee
congaixcutiee captain
over 4 years ago
zatchbellfan
zatchbellfan varsity
over 4 years ago
MarvelMaximus
over 4 years ago
re: Response to Ketchup, rubber,Buns, liquor
Addicted... A-Dick-Did
zatchbellfan
zatchbellfan varsity
over 4 years ago
potteraholic14
potteraholic14 captain
over 4 years ago
re: Response to Ketchup, rubber,Buns, liquor
ohh, I see what you did there.
MarvelMaximus
over 4 years ago
kairi_spunk
kairi_spunk franchise
over 4 years ago
re: The Missing Husband
lol gr8!!
Joshkicksfaces
Joshkicksfaces all-star
over 4 years ago
re: hunters
Goes up to his friend smiling and says 'knock knock' He says 'whos there' sits down and frowns ' im thinking about killing myself'. there. ha-ha-ha funny.
Joshkicksfaces
Joshkicksfaces all-star
over 4 years ago
re: Muffin
hahahaha!!!
kubes
kubes all-star
over 4 years ago
re: A Little Girl...
lol heard that before but its been a while so 5
 
Started byThis competition was created by N0CaffeineN0Caffeine

IBY Awards (7)

“i like iitttt”
— congaixcutiee awarded 0 to 200 in 6 seconds
over 4 years ago
“good try!”
“CLOSET DURTY GURL!!LOL”
— jishjosh awarded dirty dinosaur joke
over 4 years ago