The Funniest Jokes You've Never Heard! (Rules!)

What did the fish say to the seahorse?

shouldnt you be on land?

get it a horse, in the sea

(warning: it is not my fault if u kill urself after reading this other conserns will be deal by my lawer) (see more)

why did the bird have no head?

Cause it never grew one!!!

PS: i made it up (see more)

Two friends were out camping when one got bitten by a snake in the butt. The friend called a doctor for help & the doctor said that the only way his friend would survive is if he sucked out the poison from his friend's butt before help arrives. The friend said thank you & hung up.

The bitten friend asked him what the doctor said...

The friend said "The doctor said.... you're gonna die" (see more)

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

 (see more)

Why don't seagulls fly over the Bay?








Because then they'd be bagels (bay-gulls). ;) (see more)

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

 (see more)

A Horse walks into a bar
The Bartender says why the long face? (see more)

Knock Knock

Whos There?

MIMS

MIMS who?

Thats what I'm saying!? (see more)

why did the bird fall out of the tree?.................
cause someone shot it

why did the koala fall out of the tree?......................
cause it was stapled to the bird (see more)

what do you get when you go out with a canary?

chirpies

it's a canarial disease

and it's untweetable! (see more)

How do You kill a Bird?
Throw it Off a cliff DUH

How do you kill a fish?
Drowned it gosh

how do You kill a mole
Barry it idiot (see more)

after everything i say, you say addicted

What Does smoking get You
______________

What does crocaine get you?
______________

What Touched You Last Night

______________

If you dont get it ur stupid (see more)

A man walks onto an airplane to New york.
When he finds his seat he also finds a blond girl there.
He says to her: excuse me, I think that is my seat.
The blond girl answers: I'm blond, I'm hot and I am going to New york.
The man gets confused and again says that it's his seat,
but the girl answers: I'm blond, I'm hot and I am going to New york.
The man calls for the attendant and asks her to move the girl.
The attendant whispers something in the girls ear and the girl walks down to the economic class and takes a seat.
The man gets even more confused and asks the attendant what she said to her.
I said, answers the attendant. that the first class was going to Boston and the economic class was going to New york. (see more)

What is the similarity between a blondie and a squirrel??








They both love nuts. (see more)

how did Pinocchio knew that he wasn't a real boy but instead just a wood?









he masturbated...





he got burned!! lol (see more)

After Everything I say you say bait

How do you catch a dog?
___________________________

How do you catch a prisoner?
___________________________

How do you catch car?
___________________________

How do you catch an EyeMaster?

........................... (see more)