Questions Parents Should NEVER Ask Their Teenagers

This was a while back.
Mom: Do you have a boyfriend or like any boys??
Me: No...
Mom: How about girls? It's ok to like girls you know!
Me: WHAT?!

the next day...(my parents are divorced and hardly talk)
Dad: Michelle, do you have a boyfriend?
Me: no.
Dad: how about any girlfriends? I'm worried.
Me: WTF IS GOING ON?!?!?! (see more)

Mom is divorced and is starting to date again, understandably. It's been years since she's been on a date


mom: ok so i'm going out now with mark. don't stay up too late, ok?

son: yup w/e you say ma haha

*few hours later*

*ring ring*

son: hello?
mom: hi hunny, were you sleeping?
son:no, just watching tv. everything ok?
mom: quick question, do guys like it better if girls swallow or spit it back on them? (see more)

In the car...

Dad: So your're getting pretty tall now.

Me: Yeah.

Dad: You have any pubes yet?

Me: ...uh....huh? Um yeah...

Dad: Hm. When i was your age i didnt have any pubes.

 (see more)

I hadn't seen my dad in 5 years, and when I was 17 he came around to my mums house I had some friends there and he said to me,


dad- Wow, your boobs have gottan big!! Are they Real??
They don't look real.


me- so... see you in another 5 years. >.< (see more)

honey, do you have any of those flavored condoms? i dont really like how your dads penis tastes. (see more)

Dad: Son, do you wear a cover?
Brother: A what?
Dad: You know... a cover.
Brother: Dad, what are you talking about...
Brother: A cover for your penis.
Brother: *ROFL* (see more)

Dad: So, do you want me to come in with you when you go in for your Gyno exam/Pap Smear?
Me: *Facepalm*
 (see more)

Mom: "So how was your first time, did it hurt?"
Me: "WTF?!" (see more)

A teenage boy has his girlfriend over to meet his parents for the first time. After she leaves...

Father: She seems like a really nice girl.

Son: Yeah, I really like her.

Father: But does she lick balls? (see more)

Dad: "Did you know that your mother use to be a famous porn star? I've got some of her old movies, do you want to watch them?"
:) (see more)

Dad: so did you and your boyfriend do it yet

Me: do what?

Dad: sex?

Me: Umm no.. =?

Dad: Well when me and you mom first did it.....

Me: WHOOOAH !!!! (see more)

mom saw you walking on the street with a girl..

mom: is she your girlfriend??
i don't like her..go and find another..

son:ughhh..mom she don't like you either.. (see more)

one time.. they saw me still on the com.. it was dawn already..

mom: are you watching porn??

me: *deer in headlights (see more)

mom: is he pressuring you into having sex??
me: >.< (see more)

so my girlfriend's mom called my house, and asked me if I was going to be home that weekend.

"yeah, why?"
"well, I wont be. you see, I just want to make sure that you and [my daughter] don't have sex before I get home and put her on the pill. thanks"
"...okay, sure."

of course my friend was sitting next to me, heard this, and started cracking up making it even harder to maintain my composure while she continued her lecture about always using a condom etc.
WOO! i'm so lucky. (see more)

dad: did you get freaky with that guy on the train?

me: ???? (see more)

Your mums a bit of a squeeler, isn't she son? I mean last night..., she hasn't screamed like that since Nixon was elected. (see more)

Mom: DINNER TIME!!

I come running up the basements steps into the kitchen sorta out of breath.

Mom: Son, why are you out of breath? Did you just masturbate?

Me: UMM no!!!!

Mom: its alright if you did i was just asking.....

Grandmom: well if you did wash your hands before we eat!!!!

Me: thanks (see more)

my dad asked me this I didnt like da question he didnt like the answer.I said no and he said you should it feels good (see more)

this is a true story.

so we're eating dinner, and my dad looks up, and starts thinking to himself [[maybe because i came back late from school that day]]

dad: you're still a virgin right?

me: i donno, what do you think?

dad: you better still be

me: naah really? (see more)