Stupid excuses for not coming in to work!

This really happened to me and i really used this excuse.

So.. i slept in, my clock didnt go off.
So like 3 hours late i call my job and told them i was sick and that my cell phone fell in the toilet so i couldnt call and when they asked how i was calling them now, I told them i was using my neighbors phone.

They were going to fire me because it was such a bad lie but they couldnt, they needed me =) (see more)

im sorry i just dropped a ball then had a period and collapsed in the shock that i have both so i missed monday (see more)

Boss: Why didn't you come to work yesterday?
Employee: CAUSE YOU SUCK! oh.. by the way.. say hi to your wife for me. *wink*

 (see more)

WE WORK ON MONDAY? SINCE WHEN? (see more)

ME: I'm sorry boss I'm not going to make it in today.

Boss: Oh are you sick?

ME: No sir I just have 3 interviews for new jobs, but hey if they don't work out I will be in tomorrow.

Boss: ........ Um.... No.. I'm sorry, but if you don't come in today I will have to terminate your employment.

Me: ........ I guess I better use that 10% discount while I have it then huh.

(this is when he hung up on me) (see more)

My neighbor's daughter got a round hair brush stuck in her hair and I need to help her get it out. (see more)

Scene:
-ME CALLS WORK EARLY IN THE MORNING AFTER LATE-NIGHT PARTYING -

ME: sir, im sorry i cant come to work cause the dog ate my homework.
Work: what?!
ME: Oh shit. i thought i was still in school !! LOL.

(hangs up and got a memo the next day) (see more)

My grandma passed away..(that would be a very good one but the only problem is u used the same excuse last week). (see more)

u will get fired for this

"sorry I was late sir its just that ur wife ripped my shirt last nite taking it off so I had to go get a new one this morning (see more)

I had a guy call in saying he broke his ankle in 3 places so he couldnt work... he was back to work in a week... imagine that... (see more)

In Dunkirk where my parents live, there's a big carnival in February, every sunday there's a parade and a ball. and every monday then a lot of people are "ill". True! (see more)

see,wut had happened was,my deale- i mean my associate nd i had some collecting to do from some crack heads tht owe us!....i mean we was gettin donuts. (see more)

SIR I am far to drunk to come to work (see more)

my butt got stuck in the toilet and i only got it out now. (see more)

hey um sorry i wa playig some video games and i had to get to a checkpoint b4 i coudl save it otherwise id lose loads of stuff id already done and it was quite hard so i cudnt come in (see more)

Work Calls- Why wern't you in yesterday

Me- I thouught I was suspeneded for making my self free food the other day.

Work- YOu are now. (see more)

When You Go To Work On Friday And Your Boss Got Tick For Missing Work... Here's Your Excuse Say : I Thought It Was Saturday (see more)

Well, boss, you know how it is... when a man loves a woman... he'll do anything for her... and ...when that woman begs you not to work for her husband and sleep with her instead...well.... I got stuck in the trafic! (see more)

"I'm sorry the power was out at my house not allowing me to open my garage door to drive my car out." (see more)

Eh... I am so new to this job, that trying to find a parking spot, I got lost in the surrounding streets, and by the time I find my way back and a parking spot, I..... you know..... got very late....  (see more)