Grandma Tweets

my husband and i are fighting over putting on john wayne or big mamas house on the tv (see more)

"Help! I've fallen & can't get up!" (see more)

Today i got pulled over by a cop for driving 10 mph in the freeway.  (see more)

Just finished watching Price Is Right, I really miss Bob Barker, he was a stud muffin. (see more)

I maka tha tomatoee sauseh and I choppa the garlick too much. anda vito he call me from Roma to say heylo, umma como ce dice..ah fanapoli. (see more)

"Accidentally left my dentures today at my granddaughter's place. No steaks for me today!" (see more)

...soaking my dentures in water...

*soaking* soaking * soaking * (see more)

The highlight of my day is to cook for @Abdulionaire.

Me: @ZeGrandy Thanks Grandma.

While I'm Sleeping...

On Her iPhone: I hate that kid... (see more)

Just robbed a bank, just realized I gotta get home and get my grills. (see more)

"I'm gonna cut a switch and pop Obama if he don't get his act together." (see more)

i found something in my granddaughter's room, the package says it's a rabbit pearl, it looks like a light saber. (see more)

Im so sad Ed Mcmahon died.. he was on my list of 5 people to boink :( (see more)

How do I use this? (see more)

GrannyB: My granddaughter thinks she took my pain killers but I switched them with my vitamin C. Grandma 1 Josi 0. (see more)

just put the snickerdoodles in the oven , gotta get those young whippersnappers out of my room and to stop playing with my wig, harold and i are going to bingo later then its off to bed at 330pm, and to let everyone know tomorrow is my swim nite out at my pool so like last year dont have your kids look over the fence at me in my bikini, i didnt make them blind (see more)

if any of you b*tc*es stalk me or ding dong stich my house i will f**kin call the cops (see more)

Looking for the right hot Grandpaw to tweet me!! (see more)

dang i just soiled my self rupert help (see more)

"will be bak in a minute got to go get thuu kids off ma lawnGET OFF MA LAWN OR AL THROW MA BEANS AT YA !!!!!!!!!!bak now just goin to go for ma *SNORE!!!!* (see more)

i just played catch with ma grandson... i think i ruptured ma spleeen... getting surgery tomorrow... (see more)