Funny Quotes.

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it  (see more)

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway (see more)

''Never trust something that bleeds for 7 days & does not die''....


LMAO >_< (see more)

"Please if i'm the b!tch, then you're a b!tch, your mom's a b!tch for having a b!tch, your dads a b!tch for fcking a b!tch. So who's the b!tch now? B!TCH!"
HAHA! I thought it was funny. Did you? (see more)

"If amazing was a young bitch I'd be going to jail...cause I'm fucking amazing" - Drake. (see more)

Women have a passion for mathematics. They divide their age in half, double the price of their clothes, and always add at least five years to the age of their best friend.
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Smokey: I got mind control over Deebo. He be like shut the f**k up. I be quiet. But when he leave, I be talking again.

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Santa Claus: Gimme that watch!
Uncle Elroy: Oh, no. Not the Rolex!
Santa Claus: Now it's a Stolex. Looking like a Mississippi pimp. Bitch better have my sweet potatoes. Ho, ho, ho, motherfucker!
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Craig Jones: [beaten up Moly walks in Barbeque restaurant] Daaaamn!
Day-Day: Someone call 9-1-1
Mr. Jones: Moly... you got knocked the fuck out!
Moly: Oh, good observation, buddy.
Moly: Where were you buddies, huh?
Craig Jones: We was on our lunch break.
Day-Day: Trying to get something to eat, so we can secure this nasty-ass lot.
Moly: Good, good, good... you were eating while I was getting beating.
Day-Day: Looks like somebody beat the bricks off your motherfucking ass.
Moly: You are supposed to be a security guard, buddy.
Day-Day: We are security, ain't that a bitch?
Craig Jones: We are security guards.
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Craig Jones: About a year ago, my pops quit his dog-catching job and went into business with my uncle Elroy. They ran this spot called Brothers Barbecue. Taste so good, make you wanna slap yo' mama. You might have seen the commercial.
Uncle Elroy: Ya'll tired of eatin' that barbecue from up the street? Where they give you more sauce than they give you meat? Then bring your big ass down to Bros. Barbecue, 15837 South Crenshaw Boulevard, that's right off Manchester. Bros. Barbecue, tastes so good, make you wanna slap yo' mama! Don't it, Willie?
Mr. Jones: Yeah, boy! Hey, mama?
Grandma Jones: What the hell you want, Willie?
[Willie slaps her]
Uncle Elroy: Ain't but one location, so it's nearest you.
Craig Jones: You might have missed it. They only had enough money for a 15-second spot. Well, my pops hooked us up with a job as Christmas help security.

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Mr. Jones: I look better than you!
Uncle Elroy: You don't!
Mr. Jones: I dress better than you!
Uncle Elroy: You can't!
Mr. Jones: My dick is bigger than yours!
Uncle Elroy: It was cold that night!
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