Weirdest thing someone has said to you

on a date, he touches my tummy and says "soon this will be filled with my seed"... O_O umm... (see more)

When I was about eight or nine years old, I had just rolled out of bed and came down for breakfast (didn't brush hair or teeth first) and my brother looks at me and says "Not only do you look like a decaying carcass, you appear to be half buzzard pecked as well". I found myself in the same dumbfounded state I fell into the day he told me that watching me eat reminded him of a billy goat gnawing on tin cans and the night he just randomly yelled "BOO SNAGGELER" at me. (see more)

so my friend and i was sitting at a table at the park. my friend was eating those ego waffle thingies. she was bout to put one in her mouth and this kid snatches the waffle and says "lego my ego bitch!" and runs away. (see more)

my cuzin and i were in the car with the window open. a random guy walks up to the car and says "we aint dogs!" his arm is the the car waving a hot dog at our faces and then my cuzin threw a waffle at em. (see more)

Okay, my wife is on the toilet and both of the boys walk in on her. One looks at the other and says "See, I told you mommy doesn't go #1, she doesn't have a pee-pee. She always sits down cause she only goes #2". (see more)

okay i was at school and i had to go pee and i was in the stall but its only like 4 ft tall so you could see the person next to you face so i was taking a wiz and this kid walked in looks at me but just stares for like a minute or so then he says do you know who is gay..................in the school so i just get out and leave as fast as i can  (see more)

I was walking to town with a friend and we pass this homeless guy. He says "Hey do you have a light buddy" (STRONG Scottish accent) We're like meh, don't wanna be rude and it did have lolz potential. We get over there and the guy picks up a stick and he's like "Pass us the light buddy!" We're like WTF...ooook. So we pass him the lighter and he tries to spark up. After about a minute he sorta gives up. Then he starts talking about our hair and he's like "It's teashin, proper hair that is, we're proper lads with proper hair." Again, we're like ooook... After he finishes he starts patting us on the back and says "If you ever need any help, anything, you just whistle and i'll come and sort it out...they use to call me the wolf man. Know why?" (No WTF WTF!?) "Cause I'm as reliable and as fast as a wolf and i'll help you!" At this point we decided it was time to end the conversation and told him we had to be places. Then the dude was like "OK, but just whistle!" Then he winks. Yeh WEIRD lol (see more)

My friend was pissed off at me for a stupid reason,
& even though we were in the same room, she sent me a text.
And this is what it said: 'You Ugly Dufukling!'
I was like ' wtf is that supposed to mean?'

lol. (see more)

Teacher: Shit dawn, pleash.

Me: ok **lololol** (see more)

random: what do you do in your spare time?

me: i kill people.

random: oh well im a terrorist and i need a secretary.


LMFAO! (see more)

I asked my mum if she knows where the cello tape is and she said "its not in my grandmothers basket" (see more)

I’ve got 2 deferent coloured eyes and a question I get quite a lot is... hey, did you know you have 2 deferent coloured eyes... mmmm you don’t say... (see more)

i walked out of the toilet and this little boy was waiting for his mum. he comes up to me and says
"arent you a boy?"
me: noooooo what the hell!? (see more)

"I love how you smell like my grandmothers house." (see more)

one time me and my sister were walkin around the block and some little boy in side a trash can said "are you dead, if you are can i have ur meat?" i said f. no and started to walk away then that kid started following us and i think he bit me or pinched me idk but im all like wat the heck was that for and he said "gwallo e uf" and then im a like ok? and he says it louder. i got skared and ran away. a week later i saw him lookin thew my window and he said "GWALLO E UF TUON!" and then i cuat him salkin me again and he said "r u alive or dead" and i said alive and then he left me alone. TRUE STORY (see more)

i was in my room one day & my sister was really mad at me. she was coming into my room to apologies, but then she tripped on her shoe and fell. while she was falling, she screamed "DERDOMGOC!" i was like WTF?! (see more)

Your soul will be my meat and your misery will be my wine!!!!- random homeless guy in new york. needless to say we quickened our pace. Luckily he didnt come after us. (see more)

One day my Brothers frien commented to me that he was in awe of how I take care of all my family from my sister and her husband to my brother and his wife (not Pizza)and my other bro to my mom ,he commented on how rough it would be for him to make the sacrifices i did and the time i gave to them, funny thing is it is really no effort on my part I do this because it was the way my parents brought me up, to me its not a sacrifice but just the things I do, It was really cool to have someone outside my circle pay me a compliment in that way and very thankfull to my parents. (see more)

Leaving math class at school last period of the second day of my hair being dyed brown:

Me: (walky walky)

Person: Wait! Are you wearing a wig?!

Me:...no....

Person: Then how's your hair brown???

Me: -_- (walks way) (see more)

My friend during school:

Okay so I know how to speak English but I need to learn more American and I'd really like to learn Italyish...

Wow Ashley (see more)