Best Excuse for Missing Work

My wife's going to get pregnant and I want to be there. (see more)

I WAS ON MY WAY IN WHEN I WAS AMBUSHED BY THE TALIBAN. LUCKY FOR ME THEY'RE A BUNCH OF GREAT GUYS AND INVITED ME TO A FUNCTION. THEY SAID I WAS THE MAIN GUEST! WHAT IS A BEHEADING ANYWAY? (see more)

i have more important things to do.  (see more)

im trying to become a superhero and there's a lot of paperwork.can't do them both in one day. (see more)

I just won the lottery. (see more)

I was abducted by aliens (see more)

I was attacked by a robor and a nazi. Then a dinsaur came from the past and tried to eat my body. (see more)

I'm pregnant and today is the only day i can figure out which guy in the country in the father! (see more)