Worst Horoscope

Libra: Hello, David. Yes, this is about you [full name here]. The phone is going to ring there will be a mysterious voice on the other end ..saying "Everyone you know is dead" Answer the phone David.

*phone rings* (see more)

I was just checking up the newspaper one day and I saw this:

Scorpio, today is the day you lose $20, your gf breaks up with you, you sit on gum, get an F on a test, and then miss the bus, having to walk 5 miles home.




Strangest thing... It didn't happen thank god yo lol. (see more)

Your partner hurts small animals, but dont worry its only animals, you should be safe. Your lucky number is 3 your day is monday. (see more)

Whatever you plan to do today, the planets are urging you to weara helmet, icey conditions between friends could prove sliipy when downhill, irect jupitors lovegod shows work male workmates are orbiting you, now you have a chance with that promotion.. mmmmm...  (see more)

The voices in your head are right. The people at work do think you're a douche bag. (see more)

Beware of falling objects and watch out for things from below. Look out for anything on your left and right. Watch your back and always look ahead. You better stop paying attention to this newspaper and look where you are walking. (see more)

You're not an Aries.
And you never will be.
Shall I kick the chair out from under your feet now? (see more)

u have unexplainable troubles heading ur way. Beware wen venus aligns with mars, deb ur problems shall began!!  (see more)

Seven Days... (see more)

Beware of that place that you went that time with that person that went to that place with you. The stars show your genitlals being chewed off by a rabid beaver if you go there so STAY AWAY. (see more)

you will get run over by a bus (see more)

Those kids at school are right, You do fail at life. You will soil your pants in English today and everyone will call you "The Uranator" for the rest of your life. Today, Drink 3 glasses of tea before school today.  (see more)

you will die in 3,2,1,0........ (see more)

Pluto is moving to aline with saturn, but hope that is wont, for if it does, your life will be thrown into the movie final destination, and your life will be at risk every moment. Have a wonderful day!!! (see more)