Funniest Movie Dialogue!

SPACE HELMET: Wait. (lifts up mask) What happened? Where are they?

SANDURZ: I don't know, sir. They must have hyperjets on that thing.

SPACE HELMET: And what have we got on this thing a quezinart.

SANDURZ: No, sir.

SPACE HELMET: Well, find them catch them.

SANDURZ Yes, sir. (over loudspeaker) Prepare ship
for light speed.

SPACE HELMET: No, no, no, light speed is too slow.

SANDURZ: Light speed, too slow?

SPACE HELMET: Yes, we're gonna have to go right to ludicrous speed.

ALL: gasp.

SANDURZ: (gasp) Ludicrous speed? Sir, we've never gone that fast before. I don't know if this ship can take it.

SPACE HELMET: What's the matter, Colonel Sandurz, chicken?

SANDURZ: (in high pitch) Prepare ship, (back to normal) prepare ship for ludicrous speed. Fasten all seat belts, seal all entrances and exits, close all shops in the mall, cancel the 3-ring circus, secure all animals in the zoo.... (see more)

Cal: Oh, man, I had a weekend.
Andy Stitzer: Yeah?
Cal: We went to Tijuana, Mexico, you know? And we thought it would be fun, you know, to go to a show. Everybody says you gotta check out one of these shows. And... it's a woman fuckin' a horse. We get there and we think it's gonna be awesome and... it is not as cool as it sounds like it's gonna be. It's kinda gross.
Andy Stitzer: Yeah.
Cal: You think "A woman fuckin' a horse" and you get there and... it's a woman fucking a horse.
Andy Stitzer: Yeah.
Cal: It was really giving it to her. And you know what? To be honest I just felt bad for her, we all just felt bad for her.
Andy Stitzer: Yeah.
Cal: I kinda felt bad for the horse!
Andy Stitzer: Wow, that's something.
Cal: So what about you? What did you get up to?
Andy Stitzer: You know, I just kinda hung out. I was...
[pause]
Andy Stitzer: Oh man, Friday, I really wanted an egg salad sandwich and I was just obsessing about it and I was like, 'Man, I'm gonna make one of those.' So Saturday, I went ou (see more)

First Jive Dude: Shiiiiit, maaaaan. That honky muf' be messin' mah old lady... got to be runnin' cold upside down his head, you know?
Second Jive Dude: Hey home', I can dig it. Know ain't gonna lay no mo' big rap up on you, man!
First Jive Dude: I say hey, sky... subba say I wan' see...
Second Jive Dude: Uh-huh.
First Jive Dude: ...pray to J I did the same ol' same ol'!
Second Jive Dude: Hey... knock a self a pro, Slick! That gray matter backlot perform us DOWN, I take TCB-in', man!
First Jive Dude: Hey, you know what they say: see a broad to get dat booty yak 'em...
First Jive Dude, Second Jive Dude: ...leg 'er down a smack 'em yak 'em!
First Jive Dude: COL' got to be! Y'know? Shiiiiit. (see more)

:WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZZUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (see more)

Radar Operator: Colonel, you better have a look at this radar.
Colonel: What is it, son?
Radar Operator: I don't know, sir, but it looks like a giant--
Jet Pilot: Dick! Dick, take a look out of starboard.
Co-Pilot: Oh my God, it looks like a huge--
Bird-Watching Woman: Pecker!
Bird-Watching Man: [raising binoculars] Where?
Bird-Watching Woman: Over there. What sort of bird is that? Oh goodness, it's not a bird, it's--
Army Sergeant: Privates! We have reports of an Unidentified Flying Object. It has a long, smooth shaft, complete with--
Baseball Umpire: Two balls! [looking up from game] What is that? It looks just like an enormous--
Colonel: Johnson!
Radar Operator: Yes, sir?
Colonel: Get on the horn to British Intelligence and let them know about this.
 (see more)

JACK BLACK (Jeff Portnoy): Alpa If you untie me, I would littarly suck your dick right now…
BRANDOM T. JACKSON (Alpa Chino): I told you for the last time… I LOVE THE PUSSY!
JACK BLACK (Jeff Portnoy): I’ll cradle the balls… stroke the shaft… work the pipe… and swallow the gravy… Get it over here buddy let’s do this… (see more)

Tom Green:
Backwards man backwards man.. I can walk back as fast as you can, O backwards man backwards man! (see more)

Gayle- You know what I used to eat for breakfast?... Cocaine!
You know what I used to eat for lunch?.... Cocaine!

Wheeler- Oh, I bet I know what you had for dinner!

Danny- Yeah, was it cocaine!? (see more)