competition: What I Learned From Horror Movies

1. The ominous/suspenseful music will start when danger is imminent. I'm never afraid in real life because I have yet to hear the orchestra kick in...
2. Sex kills. Sure she's hot - and sure her vagina may be like the NBA (where amazing happens), but really - is it worth it? Full blown AIDS has a lower mortality rate than regular, horror movie sex.
3. Adults either don't know/can't help/ or are 'in on it'...however, when they are totally absent, bad things can and will happen.
4. If someone says "it's gonna be a cruise/camping trip/vacation/halloween/etc... we'll never forget," it's not hyperbole.
5. If there's a story on the news about an escaped maniac, he's probably right behind me.
6. What's the point of running from a homicidal maniac? It will only embarrass me with falls and a false sense of hope...because really...there's no escape.